Don't Steal Someone's Joy

Connie Cleveland is a well known Obedience Trainer, but this could apply to

other venues beyond Obedience Dog Competitions. ..in any venue in life...

DON'T YOU DARE STEAL MY JOY
by Connie Cleveland

On the occasion of my tenth anniversary, my husband asked me how I wanted
to celebrate. I asked that we take a very dear friend, my adopted grandmother
and one of the greatest of all the great southern ladies, out to dinner
with us.

At dinner, my husband, Brian, presented me with a diamond ring. It was
gorgeous and I was speechless, but even as I thanked him, I worried about
the expense and extravagance of such a gift. As if he knew that the next
line belonged to my grandmother, my husband excused himself from the table.
He was barely out of sight when she reached across the table and grabbed me
by the shoulder, "I know what you're thinking, I know you think he couldn't
afford it and it's too extravagant. I don't care if he had to put a second
mortgage on the house to buy it, don't you steal his joy! It's beautiful.
Accept it as the token of his love that it is and say nothing about how he
shouldn't have bought it for you." Then she repeated, "Don't you dare steal
his joy!"

That was the end of the conversation. She sat back in her seat, smiled at
my returning husband, and we had a lovely dinner. I took her advice and put my
reservations out of my mind. The ring has never come off my finger, but
most importantly, I learned a wonderfully important lesson, never to steal
another man's joy.

Are you a joy stealer?

"You know if my dog hadn't gone down on the sit, I would have won the
class", said, unfeelingly, to the winner.

"I sure didn't think your dog worked that high a score."
"I can't believe you placed, I thought Jane Oneup and her dog would beat
you."

"I thought I had that class won! My dog had a great performance, " said to
the winner.

"Isn't that judge an idiot? I can't believe the dogs he put up!" said to
the winner.

"Boy, aren't you glad Mrs Winallthetime wasn't here today or you might not
have won."

"You passed that Master test because the water blind was so easy."

"That was the stupidest set of water marks I've ever seen. No trial should
end that easily," said to the winner.

Do you discourage or encourage fellow competitors? Do you tell them their
goals are too lofty and their dreams too big? Are you trying to be helpful
or trying to keep them from accomplishing something that you never had the
ability or perseverance to do yourself? It is equally as harmful to steal
joy by destroying the dream.

"No Basset Hounds get UD's," said to the owner of the Bassett in Utility
class.

"I've never seen a Rottweiler that could do fronts and finishes", said to
the owner of the Rottweiler practicing fronts and finishes.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a UD and a Master Hunter? Do
you know how few people have ever done it?" said to the first time dog owner
setting out to do both.

When FC AFC OTCH Law Abiding Ezra had both his field championships and 65
OTCH points including all the necessary first places, someone had the guts
to come up to me, his owner, trainer and handler and say, "No dog will ever
be a field champion and an obedience champion." My jaw drops when I think
about it. Isn't it unfortunate that I remember this attempt at stealing my
joy much more than I remember all the cards and letters and congratulations
I received when those last 35 points were earned?

If you are willing to destroy someone's dream, perhaps you don't realize
that it is the JOY of pursuing the dream that keeps the dreamer motivated,
not just reaching the accomplishment.

My husband and I travel and compete together. I remember an event, early in
our relationship when I watched his Doberman fail articles. "Darn it, " I
said, as he came out of the ring," she didn't even try to find the right
one!" "Oh", he replied, "but, weren't her heeling and signals wonderful?"

Unknowingly, I had almost stolen his joy. He was celebrating the
improvement on the exercise that had been giving him trouble, and I was focused on the
failure. Since that experience, Brian and I have learned that the best
response to a questionable performance, "What did you think?" That way, if
the handler is excited about some aspect of the performance, you can share
that excitement. If the handler is disappointed in another aspect, you can
share the disappointment. You are safely removed from being a joy stealer.

I hope you have a lot of dreams and goals for your dogs in (the coming
year). Undoubtedly there will be moments of disappointment as you venture
through the landmines of injury, failures and other setbacks. Remember that
the joy of the journey is worth the difficulties along the way and don't
let anyone steal that joy. Guard it well and at the end of the road you can own
it and revel in it with all the other memories of the trip.

Me here.  I shared Connie Cleveland's thoughts to make a point of how easy it is for people to unwittingly "steal someone's joy"

In my previous post I wrote about how Cash's feet had slipped off the table, the judge stopped her count and then resumed when he put his feet back on.  There was no fault signaled.  Maybe there should have been.  But when I was relating the incident to a friend helping at the trial secretary's desk, the trial secretary overhearing our conversation said, "That clearly should have been a table fault."  She continued to interject into my conversation with my friend how it should have been faulted. 

My daughter was there, having brought me a rose and a card for Mother's Day.  I had also sent her Connie's missive.  Katie and I recalled it at the same time, and as we were walking away agreed the trial secretary's comments were a perfect example of stealing someone's joy.  My joy.  The joy of finally finishing a title.  Albeit a novice one, but a title nonetheless.

Joy......  Don't. Steal. It.